Cotard's vs BIID

Maybe I have BIID.

Body Integrity Identity Disorder (or BIID) is an extremely rare psycological disorder that makes sane people amputate their own limbs for no apperent reason. Due to undisclosed reasons, victims of this disorder feel as theough can only be normal if they lose a certain part of their body. This makes them happy somehow.

But I have a motive. My arm hurts. The story goes back a few days ago where my friend dared me to throw that fucking rock at that fucking car. I bet him I could. I'll tell you; that fucking rock did hit that fucking car, which stopped - then we ran. Stupid, I know, it's stuff like this that can only happen when you're young. ANYWAYS, that fucking rock hurt my fucking arm, actually I hust it by throwing that fucking rock. I bet you can't say fucking more than 5 times in one sentance and still make sense.

Poeple with BIID and people with Cotard's syndrome seem to be somewhat similair. Cotard's syndrome constitues of people who insit they don't exist, and BIID victims insist that in order to be normal, they need to make a part of themselves nonexistant.

Maybe I'll go listen to "Pour Some Sugar On Me" from 1978.

Arrest Yourself

I am lying in bed wondering whether or not I have Cotard's syndrome.

Jules Cotard was a French military surgeon who only lived to be 49 years old, but he will always be remebered by discovering one of the most screwed-up mental ilnesses ever: Cotard's syndrome is a mental disorder where the victim cnocludes the he (or she) is dead. Some patients believe that they are missing crutial internal organs or that they have no blood. Other victims of this diseas claim they can smell their flesh rotting. I must admist, this has never happened to me, but sometimes I do feel like I'm dead. This tends to happen alot when I'm at school and there's hundreds of people wondering around the hallways carelessly and sometimes I wonder if they even notice me. People care so much about what they look like so that other people will not judge them, but where is everyone really looking? Not at me, that's for sure.

Sometimes I wonder if we're all Bruce Willis' that roam this planet - dead - but we don't know it, and one day we will all realise that everything we know and feel is not actually tangeable. But who really thinks about shit like this? Sometimes I feel this way, but I am now certain I don't have Cotard's syndrome.

If you are one fo those people who don't know you're dead - you're fine. But if you do think your dead - arrest yourself.

Can't Sleep

My eyes are going to roll back into my head. Wait - that doesn't make any sense. I'm going to have to explain better.

When you sleep, your eyes roll back into your head, and everytime I close my eyes I can feel my eyes rolling back - and I keep thinking they're not going to stop. It's like some kind of Chinese torture. So I am siting at my computer listening to the new Snow Patrol CD and telling you about my crazy thoughts.

As you know, I broke up with my "not-really-a-grilrfriend" girlfriend about a month - actually, 2 now - ago. And as much as I coulnd't stand her, I can't get enough of her now. What the hell is wrong with me? Maybe it's just the laws of love and hate: My Enimy is my Best Friend who I am in love with, but Your Enimy has to be your Best Friend ecause in order to have a true enimy they have to be your Best Friend. Make sense?

Well that's all I got to say for now, I can't think of any more ways to confuse you.