Avoiding Yard Work

Yes, it's the 'yard-work' time of year. Today was my family's 'yard-work' day - and it still is. But I am inside enjoying the comfort of my own room. I've casually avoided doing the yard work for now. They'll eventually hunt me down and make me do other things like... opening the pool, or raking the back yard - or worst of them all - gardening!
Luckily, I have escaped it for now, and have devised some convenient tips for anyone who wants to get out of yard work.
Tip One: Volunteer to go get the hosepipe so you can 'water the yard'.



This is always good because the hosepipe is usually in the garage or the basement and can take a very long time to find - especially if your parents are unorganized. This should kill about 10-15 minutes. After getting tho hose tell them you can't find the nozzle and/or sprinkler - you need to find this as well. Hopefully it'll be buried under a pile of garden supplies somewhere in the back shed.
Tip Two: Go get the 'refreshments' like juice, water, pop and whiskey if you parents like a hard shot of liquor in the middle of the afternoon. Getting them drunk isn't a bad idea either.



They will be waiting for you outside admiring the work they've done so far. They'll take a good look around at the oh so beautiful garden - and when you come back out, you're going to have to help them plant the flowers. BUT, you can avoid this (see tip three). Stay inside making the drinks for a considerable amount of time. You can even try making ice cubes if your parents don't come in and ask you what you're doing. If there already ice cubes, casually spill 'by accident' on the floor. Oops, looks like we need to wait for some more. This should kill anywhere from 10-130 minutes (yes, 130).
Tip Three: Adjust the sprinkler, because it's not going the way you like it.



Tell them you liked the way it worked when you were a kid, carelessly running around through it. Turn off the hosepipes and fiddle around with it, claiming that you are indeed fixing the problem. After 20 to 25 minutes tell them it's all good and get them wet when you turn it back on. This should get them quite angry and if you're lucky enough, you might get sent inside or asked to 'just leave!'.
Well that's it for now, I do hope your 'yard work' gets done without much help from you - unless you like this sort of thing. In that case, happy gardening. by the way, I love summer.