Dear Life. . . Sincerely, Matt

Dear man who came through the Tim Hortons Drive Thru in July,

You were a real prick, you know that? A class "A" asshole. You asked us for a Ham and Swiss BLT sandwich. When we kindly asked you if you wanted a Ham and Swiss OR a BLT (after all, those are two different kinds of sandwiches) you so rude yelled "TELL ME THE SOUPS! WHAT KIND OF SOUPS?!". You're a fucking jerk, I hope you realize that. I would enjoy nothing more than watching you choke on your Ham and Swiss BLT.


Dear other man who came through the Tim Hortons Drive Thru in July,

Your world views were just astonishing. I'm amazed you were able to string that sentence together, the one where you said; "the aviation industry makes so many greenhouse gases, imagine the footprint they are leaving on our planet, I wonder what the footprint drive thrus are making...". Go home, stop talking to us like we give a shit. Take your coffee and leave; do you realize that we have to serve you under 35 seconds otherwise we will be working for minimum wage the rest of our lives? SHUT UP.


Dear my girlfriend,

You bring new meaning to my life. EVery morning is a new day where I wake up and feel even happier that I am with you. I have been in love with you for the past 5 years, and I'm glad you've realized that you love me too. I've waited for this for a long time, and now that we are together I will do everything I can to never change that. I love you. That you for marking my life brighter every day.


Dear my cousin from France,

Thanks for making my summer bearable, thank you for encouraging me to take the net step with You-Know-Who. I immensely enjoy your company, me and you buddy, are two of a kind.


Dear lady who had a pillow mark on her face at the mall today,

How long did it take before you realized you had one... or did you already know, and if you did know, why did you stay out in public, and where the fuck did you sleep that made it so easy to get to the mall so fast before the pillow mark had time to fade?


Dear anyone that gives a shit,

I have more to tell you about, however am too lazy to go on. This is where I've been all summer. Dealing with all of the above. I miss you internet, I hope to see you around more often. Or like the bedrock of the great falls, you are slowly starting to erode beneath me.