Nowhere to run, no one to talk to. Nothing to do but wait. Wait to hear. Wait to see. Wait for an absolution that will never come. There's nothing in life that can be one hundred percent absolute. And that's just the thing that has been getting me down lately.
There's nothing we can ever be sure of -- not a person I can talk to and expect to know exactly what I am going through; and this is why I have a blog (which nobody reads). I don't know where to turn, I don't know who to tell so I'll just tell the world. I'm lost. We're all lost, sort of. I want to say "I love you" but I don't have anyone to say it to. I'm like coffee without a cup; there's no hole to fill, and for the first time in my life I feel very depressed and lonesome. Could it be the shitbag weather or the horrid lack of social interaction in my life? Whatever it may be it's getting me down. All I do is sit around and write. Write about my life, write about the girl whose tearing me apart, write about my best friend who doesn't act like it ,write about how my life is going nowhere and I'm not doing anything to turn around and fix it. The wind is gone from under my wings.
Life is a giant metaphor for what happens when you toss a bunch of strangers together and expect them to get along and interact. Is that what it really is? I haven't been myself lately and it's beginning to to become apparent to the people surrounding me. I just want to scream out to everyone "I'm lost please help me!" -- but my voice is gone. I'm in a puddle of confusion and tangled in a web of lies right now. Hopefully I'll start feeling better soon, but at the rate I'm going now this could take a while or a fucking miracle.
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4 comments:
I hope your feeling better - the only thing you can count on is yourself - thats the only close absolution I know :)
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